Here's the thing. Much as i promised my self time and again that I'd only use this blog to air my thoughts and opinions and not my problems, its what i end up doing over and over. Guess it feels too good to get something off my chest. Bear with me.
My folks have been trying, for the past four years, to hitch me up somewhere. Anywhere, as a matter of fact. My mum's been so obsessed with this topic that our already rocky relationship has deteriorated to something so ugly which i never thought was possible for this part of the world; you know how we are about respecting the rents and all. And now, strangely, she's found an ally in none other than, my younger brother. He's a total no-gooder and kissing-people's-ass if i ever saw one. He's turned eighteen which has turned out to be a perfect nightmare. What i wouldn't give for a brother like
Pini! My brother, M keeps on lecturing everyone in front of my mum about how we ought to respect parents and all, and Paki mum that my mother is, she fawns over him. When he talks to her, though, half the neighborhood can hear him. And my mum keeps on saying 'Laikan Shehzaday, main nay kia kaha hai?' (But my Prince, what have i said?) Can i take a moment out to puke? For a Kings College grad, my mum is sure one weird piece.
The carrier of the big banner of morality and respecting elders now calls his elder sisters 'Tu' which is a really rude term you use to address someone if you're fighting with them, or insulting them. As of today, he said, ' Tu tu frustrated hai keh tairee shaadi nahi hotee' (You're frustrated because you can't get married') I was all, HUH? I reminded him rather politely that is anyone had a reason to be frustrated, it was him because its high time he cleared his first year exams after getting a third division in his Matriculation. I mean, what? My mum comes up at that moment and gets in her piece about how he is right and how i am frustrated because i 'can't' get married. First, may i take out a moment to let out a scream? I don't WANT to get married. I'm twenty-one for crying out loud. Not exactly over the hill. There's enough time for all this after wards. I want to get my career started first. And i don't want a bloody ass of a Pakistani mentality guy like my brother who think they're God's gift to their family because they were born a male in a backward society. My brother, who has such a level of maturity that he has our REAL PHONE NUMBER as his you-tube id. I mean, what kinda ass do you have to be to do that? And if a place is asking for a credit card number, take your dad's out and type the number in; oh weren't they asking it because it was necessary for registration? Really? They charged you? Oh well, atleast we'll have a new magazine every month. And my mum going on about how innocent her son is...i've secretly suspected it for ages and now this using-phone-nuber-as-id thing has confirmed it: he is a bit 'challenged.' But of course, as long as he's in this house, all he needs is his brains between his legs. End of story.
The other day my mum was asking me about this certain person (as a prospective partner) and i told her i really disliked him on first sight. There's nothing wrong with him or anything...its just that i don't think we're compatible. He has his ideas about how the world should be run...and of course didn't he just tell you he's right? He's so stiff, never cracks a smile, or talks. Imagine what a house with him would be like. I had hardly completed my sentence when the phone rings and its that same guy's mum asking if they can come over. My mum's face is all wreathed in smiles and she says 'Of Course!' Excuse me? What ever happened to asking girls about their consent? Maybe they think they do ask at nikah time 'Qabul hai? (Do you accept him)' so that would be called asking consent...except at that time you can't say 'No' without making your family social outcasts for the next hundred years.
Lets for one, hope this rishta won't materialize. I hate this guy.
I'm really confused about this whole thing. I'm sorry but as the facts stand, i am not going to live in this house anymore. I hate the constant bickering, the fights, the fact that my mum and dad never talk anymore, the way my mum cooks up stories just to make my dad mad at me, what complete useless spare parts my siblings are turning into...all of it. I want out, and i want it NOW. I think i don't want to wait for next year to come to America. Another year of this will put me in an asylum. I'm going to IBA or NUST because there is no other escape. And I'm going to utilize my scholarship to go live in a hostel. Of course my mum, as usual, will take time out to make fun of how i fancy myself a 'Aristotle' because i want to study further (78 times and counting). And how I'm going to win the Nobel Prize next year(24 times and counting). And how everybody's going to 'reject' me (92 times and counting). Blah Blah. And yes, i actually counted because her tirades are so boring. i count to pass the time, I wish she'd change her script once in a while. What happened to all those stories of parents being supportive and all, i don't know. People around me have children who are just average in everything and they go on about them as if
they were Aristotle.
I was sort of at a cross roads about marriage...if i study over and above my Masters, my chances of finding a 'good' boy are less than zilch...typical Pakistani males don't like women more educated than they are...or even as much. But then i thought, do i really want to end up with such a guy? Why sacrifice my ambitions for somebody i don't even want? And isn't there a Hadith about this being a matter pre-destined?? It is. So, I've reached my decision. I'm going to do what i wish, when i wish it, whatever way Allah lets me do it. I don't think i have to give a damn about marriage. Its going to come in its own good time. Right now, i don't want it.
What i need, is some breathing space.
Labels: angry, nerds and jocks, rants, rishta, Specy
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